Cool Patrol is the first track of Ninja Sex Party's upcoming album of the same title.

The song was officially released on 18. October 2016, and features several youtubers/friends of NSP such as Mark Fishbach (Markiplier), Seán McLoughlin (Jacksepticeye), and the duo Ryan Magee & Matt Watson (SuperMega).

Link to teaser:

Link to music video:

Link to album art:

Lyrics Edit

Yo Ninja Brian, you see that high schooler over there getting pushed around? This looks like a job for the Cool Patrol!


Hey Kid! (Yo!) You're getting picked on in school

The other boys! (Huh!) They say you just ain't cool

Well that's bullshit! (Yeah!) We're gonna teach you the rules

Those motherfuckers ain't gonna bother you no more


We are the bad boys (Oh!) from the tough side of town

We are the Cool Patrol (Woo!) we'll turn your life around

Those bullies (AW SHIT) their ass is done for now

We're gonna show you how! So fuckin' listen y'all! First…


You put your hands in the air

And you jump off the ground

And then you take that funky butt and you shake it all around

And lightly jog in place and then crank it up to a prance

This is the cool patrol dance!


Now put your hands in your pockets 

And take them right back out 

Then spin around in a circle and make an animal sound (moo) 

Then glide into the sprinkler like you're gonna water the plants 

This is the cool patrol dance!    



DANNY: You get all that kid?

JACK: That wasn't actually very helpful. That was just, like, an instructional dance.

DANNY: Hell yeah!


Motherfuckin' bullies better watch their ass

You're sending all them shits a message there's a new king in class

When they see you they're gonna freak out and piss their pants



You put your hands in the air

And then stick out your rear end

And then you wiggle it real hard and you hug your closest friend

And then you wildly remove your clothes and tearaway pants

This is the cool patrol dance!


Now rub the peanut butter on you

From your head to your feet

And cover up your nudity with different cheeses and meats

Then slap a camel because this could be your only chance

This is the cool patrol dance!


*synth solo*

Cool Break!

All right!

This is cool!

*drums kick in*

*coughs* 'scuse me

Hey, I have an idea! Let's kick it!



You put your hands in the air

And grab a bird from the sky

And eat it whole so that you may absorb its power of flight

Now you can also dive bomb fish because your vision's enhanced

This is the cool patrol dance!


You're basically a superhero now

So throw some cars

Then rub your magnum thighs together and set fire to Mars

Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance

This is the cool patrol dance!


MEMBER: Your training is complete. Now go show those fuckers who's boss!

JACK: O-kay! Hey guys, listen up... *singing* You put your hands in... *punch*

MEMBER: Oh God! He might... he might actually be dead...

Cool Patrol